


Enough

by orphan_account



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Amputation, Bisexual Eddie Kaspbrak, Disabled Character, Divorce, F/M, Gay Richie Tozier, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-02 15:13:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21163721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Eddie hadn't expected to live; Richie knew this, had confirmed it in his mind. But what happens when he does?





	1. Chapter 1

Eddie hadn't expected to live.

Richie knew this, had confirmed it in his mind when he returned to pack up his and Eddie's things to get them to a different hotel and to the hospital. (Because Myra was coming, and had asked for Eddie's things. Because it had already been an extra week. Because he had to tell himself Eddie would wake up soon from his coma and would want to wear clothes other than a hospital gown.) 

He couldn't think of when Eddie had taken the chance to carefully print out the documents, changing his assets and trustee to one Mike Hanlon...it made sense, if you thought about it. Bill was a popular author. Ben was a filthy rich mogul. Bev, even with divorce proceedings coming soon, was squared away as a designer. Richie, while he didn't like the material they wrote for him, knew damn well it was selling but Mike had stayed in Derry. He'd worked hard and he'd cared for his elderly family and devoted his life to researching IT...that wasn't exactly the road to millions.

And once he actually met Myra he could see Eddie's financial risk analysis coming in to play. She'd gotten the car, his life insurance (well, would have), the home in NYC, everything in the house...and Mike got everything else, including the old Kaspbrak house in Derry that a third party had been helping him rent. This was to fund Mike's move, Eddie had wrote in a chicken scratch letter, not even typing it up. Richie didn't know when he had the time to do this but, online banking, estate lawyer on speed dial...

" After devoting your life to protecting people, you deserve more than this shithole."

Richie agreed with this final line in the letter but Mike was just dumbfounded, his eyes filling with tears as he had already packed up his things and made some plan to find a job and an apartment maybe in a lower end neighborhood in Florida. After all, questionable neighborhoods couldn't be as intimidating as what they had gone through in Derry. But with all this...he could buy a house.

Fuck, man.

Eddie hadn't written them all notes like Stanley but he had mentioned them in the letter and thanked them. He thanked them for being the only good thing during his childhood and for making him feel braver, stronger than he was. Rich kind of thought it was bullshit because Eddie was strong and he was brave, so much more then Rich. He could see that especially when Myra came.

She was a good 300lbs of whining, screeching,and demanding noise. She looked alot like Mrs. Kaspbrak except minus the glasses and obnoxious tracksuits. She wore muted colors but audacious jewelry and he thinks that Eddie mentioned that she was a manager of a store. Her voice was shrill, and Richie could see the way the nurses resented her for her unsolicited advice on how to do their job. He tried his best to stay out of her way for fear of being kicked out of the hospital, constantly peeking out the door in search of a brown updo. She had already banned Bev, Ben, and Mike. She threatened to sue Mike actually but Eddie was thorough and the documents demonstrating the change were ironclad.

But that didn't mean she didn't try, accusing them of attempted murder and manipulation. Her Eddie would never do these sort of things, she said. Her Eddie was frail and was clearly too trusting, was nervous without his medication. She wanted him transferred to another hospital but they refused, given the extent of his injury but Richie knew that when Eddie was in the clear health wise or woke up...he'd be back under her thumb.

Eddie hadn't expected to live but Richie was so glad he had.

\--

Three days, one hour...Eddie showed signs of new brain activity. Richie had come in when Myra left to get food ( the cafeteria in the hospital was subpar to her NYC tastes) and he heard him whimper. Heart pounding, Richie thought he was going to wake up but no. It was just occasional sounds and changes in his heart monitor, but it was a good sign. Myra wasn't satisfied, told the doctor he clearly wasn't providing her husband with adequate care and it was here that the doctor relented. Eddie could be transferred by helicopter to a trauma care facility in upstate.

And Richie, who had kept everyone updated after they went home ( everyone except Mike who was right there with him the whole time), told his Manager he was leaving LA. He and Mike, who refused to just take off after so much, got an apartment together. Mike got a job at a public library and Richie did some decent gigs, all the while visiting Eddie who grew paler and thinner in his hospital bed. It had been a month and the gaping chest wound and missing arm were healed over by pink scar tissue. Myra tried to ban him but Rich showed the nurses pictures and the letters. Mike even came to speak on his behalf as executor and trustee of Edward Kaspbrak and maybe it was partly because Myra had quickly gotten on the bad side of every medical professional in the New York Hospital. But either way, Rich kept visiting...until finally, Eddie woke up.

He was disoriented but smiled at Rich's attempts to lighten the mood, patted his hand when the comedian told a stupid joke to him and promptly burst into tears when Eddie weakly chuckled. He seemed to cower when Myra came, a whirlwind of screeches and sobbing. She asked about the money immediately, forced him to swallow some pill she retrieved from her purse, and Eddie didn't seem to remember at first about the money, but soon when Mayra talked about lawsuits, Eddie began to beg that she drop it.

" He swindled you. I told you not to go there, Edward. I told you you're too naive-"

Myra tried to get Rich banned but Eddie, his voice weak and unsure, forbid it. Myra talked over him but it was the patient who had the final say, for which Richie was glad. She still made it difficult and already she was making plans to move him to a private care home, far out of his reach, but in the end Eddie didn't need anything other than weekly physical therapy. When Richie mentioned that Eddie also needed a divorce lawyer one of the few times he was able to sneak in without his wife there, Eddie had just looked so tired and confused. He only remembered bits and pieces of what happened in the sewers, and it seemed just so easy for him to fall under the thumb of another Mrs. Kaspbrak. One that went from crying in anger about her stupid husband using all his sick leave, almost compromising his high paying job, to trying to force feed him jello.

"She's really upset with you."

" Yeah, I know, " Eddie had wheezed to Mike, " I'll talk it out with her."

He wouldn't call it talking and Richie finally had enough when he walked in to see the large woman yell at a meek Eddie, " I've always taken care of you, always. Who picked up the pieces, Edward? Who has made sure your medication has been in order? Who has stood by you since college when no one even talked to you on our dorm floor? Who has loved you despite all your dumb decisions and weird habits? I deserve better, Edward. I deserve better that a cripple who listens to his stupid friends-"

" You deserve a reality check, you fucking cow."

She turned slowly but Richie was focused on Eddie, who continued to hang his head. Richie was pissed now, unable to hold back months worth of anger. But she quickly began to scream, attracting the attention of several nurses. Eddie tried to deescalate the situation as did the head nurse, but Richie and Myra were too far gone. She moved as if to grab him or hit him with the white pharmacy bag in her hand and that is when Eddie gave the order for his wife to go home, take a breather, and come back tomorrow. Myra's eyes locked on her husband's hand that was pressing the call button. Sneering, she threw the bag of pills, hitting Eddie in the chest. He gasped in pain, making Richie rush to his side as she outright refused. She refused and pointed at Richie when the nurses came but Eddie shook his head. 

"Please, sweetheart. Please, just cool off. Dear, honey, Myra, just a little while. Please, I'm sorry, but just for an hour or so, please-"

The nurses seemed to jump on the chance and began to guide her out, though she only budged when a security guard appeared in the doorway. Once she had grabbed her purse from the guest chair, she angrily turned to go. Her lips were pursed and her face a bright pink, as she told her husband that they would talk about his behavior later.

Eddie was clearly in trouble and the nurses tried to get Richie to leave as well but the wounded man quietly requested that his friend stay. It broke Richie's heart a little. How could he not see how bad Myra was for him? Why were they even together, he wondered and then asked.

" When mom died and I left," Eddie says as he grips his stub of an arm, " She was the only person...I wish we'd all stayed together."

"Me too," Richie says quietly.

Eddie gave a weak smile," Maybe things would be different or who knows. Maybe it had to be this way, for us to start our lives, for us to defeat IT. We couldn't stay in Derry forever. It was good we left. I always knew you were meant for better things, Rich. Hollywood was calling for you so... Moving after high school was probably the best thing you could have done."

" But it shouldn't have meant losing you."

Eddie swallowed thickly and seemed to be at a loss. Finally, he said gently as he rubbed at his chest that indicated his wound was aching; breakthrough pain wasn't uncommon for him, " I'm sorry to have kept you here in NY so long. You and Mike are probably tired of hospitals by now."

" There is no where I'd rather be." Richie's face becomes stern, " Hot nurses, free food, decent guest chairs, and time with my favorite Eds. "

"I'm probably not that fun to be around. " 

"You're fun enough. Speaking of fun, when does that broom riding wife of yours come back? Or, soon to be exe wife because that wasn't cool. Honestly, if you need leaving her, like, I'm all for it."

Eddie startles, " She...she didn't mean all that. She's just mad right now."

"Eds, she fucking called you a cripple. She hurt you!"

The small man leans back in his hospital bed, rubbing his thin face with his trembling hand as Richie notes the scar on his cheek. He's doing so much better but after being in a coma, he's still sickly looking, too boney and worn out. Richie had only seen glimpses of the fiery personality that he remembers but he found Eddie far more subdued than when they were kids. He guessed that they had all changed or the last 27 years but he blamed the majority of it on Myra.

" We'll work it out. She can be hard to deal with sometimes but she loves me. She's been with me through it all."

It breaks Richie's heart but it's not his place to say anything. So he changes the subject before he can say something stupid, before his dumbass reminds Eddie that there are other people who love him too, love him more than Mayra in fact.

\--

Eddie goes home at long last and while it feels like Myra is there all the time, she does leave often for work. Mike and Richie, as well as Ben and Bev although Bill's preoccupied with his work, to spend some time with the recovering man. He seems to be well enough to do most things however having only one arm takes some adjustment. Eddie's home is beautiful though minimalistic. He's temporarily hired a housekeeper although he states that he used to do the majority of the cleaning and apparently the cooking. Richie and Mike (who recently got his own place) usually go for dinner on the nights that Myra is working at the store, acting as sous chef as Eddie gives direction.

Richie doesn't bring up divorce despite his concerns and Eddie, stubborn as always, continues to offer Mike the money that he promised him. Nonetheless Mike doesn't use it nor does he head to Florida, seemingly content as a librarian in New York. Richie picks up some more gigs but does his best to make himself available even when at long last, Eddie returns to work. The majority of it is done at home on his laptop, reviewing documents and printouts with a pair of small glasses perched on his face. 

Texts and phone calls fill in for the inperson visits that Richie misses. Myra hasn't attacked Eddie verbally in front of him since that day in the hospital but still, the bad taste in his mouth remains, especially when he sees the pills and the new to do list that Myra leaves on the fridge ever day. She micromanages him like he is just another store employee, " takes care of him" but given all that Eddie does and all the things he maintains for the benefit of his wife... All Richie sees is the same abuse the first Mrs. Kaspbrak raised Eddie to expect. He can't go out to Richie's gigs because they're too late in the evening. He can't eat out because it's not healthy and so on the occasion where they bring food, Eddie does his best to hide the evidence of something as simple as a burger and shake. He can't go to the library or movies or to shop because Myra doesn't like him using public transport. And anytime he has someone over, they have to be gone long before Myra comes or she'll purse her lips and drag Eddie into the bedroom for a "chat".

" I can't exactly say that to him, " the comedian says one day to Bev on the phone, " He doesn't see it. He seems to actually think she's too good for him."

" He needs someone to show him, " Bev says, " if you're used to being hurt and manipulated... It's what you come to expect and it's what you seek for yourself."

He knows what she means as she's kind of the expert on toxic relationships if you think about it but he just wishes that he could show Eddie what it really means to be cared for. But he knows his feelings are one-sided... But maybe he could show Eddie in a friendly capacity? He had been able to conceal his feelings for almost thirty years so who was he say he couldn't do it now, that he couldn't be a good friend to Eddie and support him without confessing. It also just seemed like a bad time to tell him, because his goal was for Eddie to be happy no matter who that was with, not for Eddie to feel like he had to leave Myra or he had to love Richie back.

How does one go about showing someone that their long-term relationship is toxic? It seemed impossible for Eddie as he was so willing to accept everything that Myra did. Richie feels sick to his stomach because if only he had stuck around, if he had been there instead of Myra...

The height of the situation comes when Beverly happens to give Eddie a call when his wife is seated next to him on the couch. He only hears the details after the fact, such as the indignant yells about Eddie speaking to that woman who had flaunted herself at the Derry Hospital. He also had vaguely heard that Eddie talking to a female financial advisor at the company he had returned to had already upset Mayra earlier that day.

Myra accused him of changing, of having a midlife crisis. The money had been brought up again and Eddie, perhaps tired of his wife's greed and criticism of his friends had snapped. He argued that they already had a decent nest egg which he had left for her. He argued that she had gotten the house which was valued quite high giving it was a New York City loft. He argued that she would have received the entirety of his life insurance and she already made decent money as a store manager.

Perhaps unused to her husband talking back, Myra had descended into tears. She accused Eddie of secretly hating her and accused him of not defending her against his cruel and hateful friends. He tried to backtrack but she was once again a whirlwind of intense emotion who finally delivered unto him an ultimatum that transported him back to Derry nearly 30 years ago."

" If you love me, you'll stop. You'll stop seeing those friends of yours."

Eddie could feel his heart pounding and sweat beading on his forehead. But the answer came easily enough as a quiet but stern ultimatum of his own, " I'm not abandoning my friends. Never again."

Minutes passed. Then she packed her things slowly, watching him as if she expected him to recant. He simply sat at the kitchen table, looking out the large window that showed the skyscape with watery eyes. She muttered that she could hardly believe that he would throw everything away for those people but he didn't respond. She accused him of being selfish and cruel, told him that she didn't think he ever loved her. He shook his head but he refused to beg or plead with her anymore. She left sobbing, likely all of their neighbors hearing it and he later received a notification that a hotel room had been billed to his credit card. He thinks that she'll be back tomorrow, that she'll pretend everything is good and try to convince him to change his mind but he won't change his answer.

He cries for sometime after that as he thinks about his life. He felt so alone, just like he had when his mother passed and he didn't know how he was going to make it through. But then a text appeared on his phone. Dinner. Richie. He wasn't alone, was he? But he worried that this was too much to put on Richie, and contemplated canceling their plans. They were going to make pasta (spaghetti for Eddie!), just the two of them since Mike had a date of all things. But he supposes he is selfish and needy for he doesn't cancel and when his friend finally arrives and sees him sitting at the table with pink, swollen eyes...

" She told me to give you guys up. But I can't. I just found you guys again."

"Jeezus, Eds. " 

Richie moves into the apartment, shutting the door quietly behind him. He approaches Eddie softly to pull him to his feet though the smaller man looks anywhere but at him. He can't tell him everything now, too overwhelmed but somehow Richie is able to determine what has happened. And he thankfully doesn't remind Eddie of all the times he said that they should separate and all the things he said about his soon-to-be ex-wife. Instead, he reminds him,

" You're braver than you think."

Eddie leans forward, resting his head on Richie's collarbone. He mumbles thank you's into his collar and as the taller man wraps his arms around him, and he weeps, he thinks maybe he is.


	2. Chapter 2

Myra wanted the house. 

In his opinion, the cow wanted everything down to the spoons. Sure, Richie had heard of really bitter divorce proceedings but he had never been privy to one. But what frustrated him most was the lack of fight in Eddie, who seemed to not even react, like he wasn't about to be homeless and taken to court.

" She shouldn't get shit."

Eddie had stayed quiet, doing his best to pack with one arm. He had done one briefcase in the time it to took Mike and Richie to fill four microwave sized boxes. And that was really all he had to his name and a notice that he had been served. As Mike carried the last box down to the car, Eddie took to rubbing at his chest where a large, puckered scar was but he waved off any concern. It had been months since he'd been discharged and it seemed like everything was changing so fast. 

Richie found he liked the New York scene better than LA, doing quite a few stand up routines in some well known places. They liked his dark humor, enjoyed the shift in material where as masturbator's anonymous had been the only best seller of his LA career. It felt alot like Chicago where he'd gotten his start where the mic was his confessional, and with gigs every week and almost every weekend, he hardly ever flew back to the west coast. 

And for this he was glad. Because his LA pad lacked Eddie, something that was so glaringly obvious now. No wonder he'd been so miserable there...

" I'll find a new place, " Eddie insists as he solemnly stares at the floor at Richie's house, " I'll be gone before you know it."

"It's fine, Eds. Stay forever if you want. Not like you take up much space. I hardly know you're here. "

Which is a lie; Eddie is everywhere. His smell, his notes and to do lists. His neatly stacked print outs sit on the dining table where he's set up a little work station, and while the guest room stays full of neat boxes, Richie notices the change in food in the house (healthy, organic instead of take out boxes) and the different products in the bathroom. Everything also stays so clean, even though Richie has told him numerous times that he needs to take it easy. But the laundry is always done, the dishes always washed, the floors and windows sparkling...

Two recent changes came from off-handed comments the comedian had made about his favorite scent being earthy, almost musky smells which resulted in several candles and home sprays appearing; and then about the unusualness of coming home to dead silence. It started as the TV being put on to the news channel and then slowly became quiet classic rock playing in the background, exactly Richie's musical taste and apparently Eddie's too given his propensity to hum under his breath as he worked. There are other little quirks that have to be adjusted to, like sometimes Eddie leaving him sticky notes which make him smile given the notes are shaped like dogs or the unsure way Eddie asks if he can help Richie or asks if something about him is inconvenient. The answer is always no but Eddie seems so eager to please, almost nervous when they talk at these moments like if he does the wrong thing that Richie will throw him out.

But Richie doesn't want to ever go back to how it was before. He thinks Eddie could probably stab him and he would still not ask him to move out. But despite his insistence that Eddie stay, that he keep Richie from living in a pigsty and living off Indian take out, his petite friend continues searching for an apartment, has even viewed a couple with high deposits in semi-decent neighborhoods.

But of course the divorce throws a wrench in that. Myra, at their first appearance in court, asks for the car...and Eddie gives it to her.

Richie thinks he should have argued just to be a dick, even if he can't drive now. But Eddie has started to get misty eyed so the comedian changes the subject. He has noticed that Eddie is more emotional when he's in pain and so he checks the counter where a small pill container remains. Yep, and Eddie had forgotten to take his pills (well, every pill except the small one that he had started taking in the hospital at Myra's insistence) which meant he had forgot to eat. Making a sandwich, he brings it to Eddie as he works. He still doesn't get how the small man makes sense of all the numbers on the screen.

" It's not spaghetti, but eat up. You've gotta grow big and strong, mi amor."

Eddie rolls his eyes but reaches with a shaky hand to nibble on the pb&j. It's about all Richie knows how to make but he finishes it, downs the pills, keeps working. Within an hour Eddie's eyes are growing heavy but he keeps typing until it's time for Richie to head out. He had asked him to come to his gig but wasn't sure now if the man was up to it. It was well paying but in somewhat of a dive.

" Don't wait up for me. And I'll try not to bring up a hooker."

Eddie jerks, wincing but suddenly awake, " Shit, the time. Hold on, I can be ready."

" It's fine. Get some sleep. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow-"

"No!" Eddie has already run into his room, cursing as he dresses. Richie tries no to find it adorable, " Just wait. You asked me to go. Of course I'll go!"

Sure enough the man is ready in less than twenty minutes, having pulled on a baggy shirt and a pair of loose jeans. He's shoved on some vans and run a hand through his hair, but Eddie seems to falter at the sight of his empty sleeve and seems unable to button his jeans at the top. Stepping forward to pin the sleeve material and fix his buttons, Richie tries to be reassuring, doesn't comment that Eddie needed clothes that weren't so loose or maybe needed to remember to actually eat. He wants to be supportive because this will be the first time the Eddie will be out in public (thank Gawd for the internet and two day shipping) and he knows that he is still slightly self-conscious about his arm.

"You look great," he says and Eddie looks at the floor, beaming. And Richie can feel it, the agony of loving someone so much but knowing it will never work out. He knew this feeling, had felt it all through highschool and that on top of his problems at home with his distant parents had made him head off to Chicago. He regretted it, looking back but this feeling...he remembered why running away had felt like the only option.


	3. Chapter 3

When Eddie finally agrees to start unpacking, to finally accept that chateau du Tozier was the best of the best, the cream of the New York crop...well, it’s sad. It honestly just makes Richie sad. 

He helps him unload his clothes onto ten hangers (he had asked for 10 exact hangers which meant Richie had to fuss around in his own closet, double up and make a few outfits and Eddie had somehow used exactly 10 hangers to hang his clothes). Every piece of clothing is monochrome; black shirts, white shirts, grey slacks, grey jeans...he has maybe one forest green polo that is too big for him. So, shopping; that’s a thing they’ll need to do but Eddie outright refuses, only half heartedly mentions that he might look at some things online since most of his pants don’t even fit with a belt now. Richie thinks it's because of his arm, and the increasing amount of hours Eddie is at court or at the company or at the doctor tiring him out.

Eddie had finally stood up for himself with regard to his mother’s house. Myra wanted it and Richie felt his blood pressure rise at the thought but Eddie didn’t cave this time; honestly, it was a stupid attempt on Myra’s lawyer part since the house was never in her name in the first place but money. Myra wanted more money.

“I think you need to fight back, “ Mike said one day, having brought them all sandwiches from the best pop up near his work.

Eddie hummed but didn’t respond.

“ She says she took care of you but who paid off her student loans? Who paid the down payment for your New York home? Who cooked and cleaned, even after working 70 hour weeks? Who bought her a new car for her birthday? Who was willing to come back to her after she called you a cripple? Man, you were in the hospital, in a coma and the first thing she brought up was money!”

“More importantly, who endured sex with a squealing pig for thirteen years?” Richie says around a mouth full of roast beef.

“Isn’t it more like 20? Didn’t they meet in college?”

“20 years, Eds!” Richie wailed, “ With that bitch! She owes you, not the other way around.”

Said man sighed, rubbing his eyes as he shut his laptop at long last, “ You guys don’t understand. I didn’t have friends after you guys. She's the only one, after I left....”

Mike nodded because Eddie was the one who stayed the longest after highschool. He had gone to community college, had worked at the local grocery when Mrs. Kaspbrak had gotten worse and the bills started to pile up. Mike remembered the few times he’d seen her in her wheelchair. Much more often he saw his friend at the pharmacy picking up insulin and eight other prescriptions. Eddie would greet him, try to smile no matter how tired he seemed, but without the rest of the losers to bolster him (without Richie who’d run away to Chicago on his 18th birthday or Bill or Ben or Bev or Stan who moved away), the spitfire thirteen year old who helped kill an evil clown was just an anxious, scrawny. young adult with the weight of the world on his shoulders. They’d hung out as regularly as they could back then, had taken a few classes together and grabbed a cup of coffee or studied at the library pretty frequently. But Mrs. Kaspbrak kept him on a tight schedule and Mike had a job, school, a girlfriend, his grandparents and uncle who he lived with so he had been understanding, had not noticed that he was seeing less and less of Eddie until it happened.

The day after Mike’s 19th birthday, Eddie made a scene, sort of. Mike had gotten his AA, was working at the library and thinking about getting a degree in library science when his friend came in sobbing. His mother was gone. She died, a diabetic coma that was all Eddie’s fault because he wasn’t doing his job, wasn’t watching her blood sugar like he was supposed to. It was the talk of the town, that and the struggle the local fire department had getting her obese corpse out of the home; people were so cruel, it being the next scandal after Henry Bower’s sentencing.

Mike had herded him into the basement to calm him after he came, heart breaking but he was also relieved when distant family came in to take him. Eddie was too good for Derry, too smart. Lonely as Derry would be, his friend deserved to leave and explore the world, live life without taking care of his mother. Mike had thought when he left for New York to live with his dad’s brother that he was going to finally be happy...he didn’t know he’d run into Myra there and he wished he’d stayed in contact, had called sooner that 27 years because maybe that would have made some kind of difference. He’d passed the Kaspbrak home often enough on his way to work, had noticed the different renters and the change of roof or paint over the years. He’d definitely thought about it, giving Eddie a call but he hadn’t. 

And he wanted to understand from Eddie’s perspective. He had been with this woman for over a decade, had loved her perhaps though it saddened him to think he would love someone so abusive. 

“I wasn’t always successful, “ Eddie explained, “ She stood by me. I...I was in a bad place after my mom, even when I came here. I...want to be honest with you guys. Myra is hard to get along with but she helped me.”

“What do you mean?” Mike asked, alarm bells going off in his mind.

“I don’t want you guys to think I kept things from you but I feel bad about it, “ Eddie swallowed thickly, shaking, “I was...with someone, someone who was trouble. I...I ended up having...a problem.”

"Eddie, you can tell us anything. What kind of trouble were you in?"

"I used to smoke, " his voice was small, so empty, " Not cigarettes, I mean. My ex was into party drugs, harder stuff."

No one said a word for a long time until finally, Richie cleared his throat, “ You shouldn’t beat yourself up over it. If so, I gotta be ashamed too because I don't know if you guys understand club life, where I get my gigs in LA but let me tell you…" he taps his nose, " But just because she helped get you clean doesn’t mean you owe her a life debt. Like, so what, you and an ex-girlfriend did drugs in the 90s. So did most people. She can’t hold that over you. ”

“Ex...boyfriend.”

This time, they're silent, unable to process the information because Richie had long accepted that Eddie wasn't interested in men so even if he left Myra it would never be possible for the two of them. But now, it he felt like he'd been punched in the chest.

“She knows about me, and she still accepted me, “ Eddie says breathlessly, “ I’m not saying I’m not mad at her for the things she says. She...wasn’t good all the time and her asking me to give you guys up was not fair. She’s never liked me having friends, was always so jealous and she always wanted me to dress and look how she wanted, wanted a certain car or certain furniture but I was happy to give her these things, to try so hard to make her happy because no one wants around a former druggie who’s not good with people and feelings and who’s had ex boyfriends and now...who’s crippled.”

" We want you around, Eddie, " Mike says evenly, "It doesn't matter, back then-"

" I-I know. And I love you guys, all the losers. But I also-" Eddie sobs, " Maybe I'm not in love with Myra, maybe she is mean to me but either way, for the last 13 years that we've been married-"

" Would you go back to her, if she asked?"

Eddie shook his head, not answering Richie for a long time, " I can't lose you guys. She asked for the one thing I can't do. And she won't take me back. She's had enough of me, and I think...it's for the best. But fuck if it isn't hard."


	4. Chapter 4

One day Richie comes home to find Eddie sitting on the floor of the kitchen, his breathing still erratic but he's calming down from what appears to have been a panic attack. Kneeling, he places a hand on his shoulder in a reassuring way which seems to prompt Eddie to speak. Things were normal between them after the reveal of his past drug use, about his relationship with his soon to be ex. Because Richie and Mike understood; they wished it wasn't so but ultimately understood.

" She's claiming it's fraud."

Richie frowns, "What is?"

"The reason for our divorce. She's claiming that giving Mike money was fraud, that I have hidden assets."

"You've handed over everything!" Richie scowls, " What does she think you're hiding, a million bucks up your ass?"

" I don't know but she also put suspected adultery-"

"Eddie, " Richie is at his wits end, " Eds. You have to fight back. This is ridiculous. This bitter hag is dragging you."

The frail man flinched, "Her parents are both lawyers so I thought she might-"

" Well, you need a lawyer of your own. And you need to stop letting her do this to you. Eddie, you know she's being crazy. Adultery, really? Who does she think you've been fucking? Mike? Is that why you when to Derry, in her mind? To get laid? Or maybe you were fucking the nurses when you were at the hospital. God, this is so frustrating!"

" I know, I'm sorry. I thought it'd end fast if-"

" What, if you handed her your nuts on a silver plate?" Eddie stays quiet as Richie walks to the liquor cabinet for a drink, frowning. He doesn't know what else to say, because he hated Myra, thinks this isn't how things should go but Eddie keeps protecting her and it just- he groans and makes himself a shot.

" I can't even stand to hear this. It's like, at every turn, she pulls something."

" I'm sorry, Rich, " Eddie says after a long pause, " This is all I ever talk about, I didn't even ask or think... How... how's that gig in Manhattan coming along?"

Richie does a double take, " Man, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad that she's fucking you over and you're...look, the gig is going great. I'm excited for it, seriously. I just want Myra to take her fucking money and leave us alone, okay? Like, you can't expect me to be happy about someone screwing my best friend over."

He goes to help Eddie up and tries to smile. He really missed the Eddie he knew as a kid, the one with a temper and adorable array of insults that he spewed stuttering and fast, his little face red and pinched. He missed Eddie when he was happy, missed the days when he got him to act like a kid instead of an old man with his pills and worries. But 27 years had robbed Eddie of that...or maybe, just pushed it down and out of sight. Rich hoped it was the former and suddenly, he had an idea.

" Get your coat."

Eddie blinks, " Huh, why?"

"Trust me. Get dressed and be ready to be cheered up."

Eddie raised an eyebrow but did as asked, appearing with a frown at the front door where Richie coiled an arm around his shoulder and led him down, down to the street level. It was a decent walk and it was cold out but Richie was certain of one thing as he thought of the sticky notes shaped like dogs and the way that Eddie cooed at their neighbor's labs...and he knew he was right when Eddie entered the pet shop with a huge grin. Seeing the SPCA stamp on the pin and the girl standing nearby with a green shirt and clipboard, Richie knew this wasn't a mistake.

" No Pomeranians but-"

"Oh my gawd, Rich, look at this baby!"

Eddie used one hand to scoop up a little Chihuahua mix, his face threatening to split as she immediately cuddles against his chest. He tilts back a bit, brings his head down and starts to baby talk the small puppy. His eyes were bright and it had been months since he had seen Eddie this happy, probably the last day being when the gang had all reunited when the small man had been discharged from the hospital. They had met him at his home, despite Myra's protests and eaten good good, drank lightly, laughed, and talked about old times while Mrs. Kaspbrak hid in the other room. Richie suspected Eddie had gotten a lecture after but that look of pure joy...that was what he was after.

" What's his name?"

"Her name is Bella," the volunteer chirps, " She's just two months old-"

" Do you like her?" Rich says; he thought Eddie would at least browse some more but he'd latched onto this little girl so fast. He'd expected arguments, confusion but love at first sight happened instead, he guessed.

" She has a sister, Lilly-"

Eddie looks at him adoringly and Richie's heart skips a beat. Shit, he's in deep, he realizes but when he's got Lilly in his own arms, licking his chin as Bella gives Eddie love as well…

"It's probably better, right? " He says to the volunteer after Lilly knocks his glasses off, " She'll have a friend to play with. Easier adjustment."

The girl nods furiously but Eddie suddenly seems to catch on. He's sputtering, moving closer with wide eyes, " Wait, Rich. Are you saying, seriously, like, two puppies-"

"Yup."

" But, " Eddie's face was pinched though he places a kiss on Bella's head in an effort to make her stop wiggling mid-rant, " We can't just, well, they're a big responsibility, and I'm only temporarily-"

" Guess you'll have to stay then, if you wanna see Belle." Rich says with a smile, " I don't see the problem. You're the most responsible person I know. And two puppies chewing up my house. What could go wrong?"

Eddie is pink in the face, so confused as he clutched at Bella who was yipping at her sibling, adorable and intimidating in the only way a Chihuahua can be. Lilly whined from Richie's arms, but was easily distracted when she realized Richie's fingers were great to nibble. Eddie continues trying to convince his best friend, talks about grooming costs and having to puppy proof their place and dog food and dog treats and dog beds and collars, and what if they both have to be at work at the same time, or they want to go on vacation to visit one of the other losers-

" I'm not sure. Myra is afraid of dogs and my mom thought they were dirty-"

If nothing, that cements it in his mind (maybe he could train one of them to pee on Myra or chase her. Eddie could bring them to court as his emotional support dogs or something) and Eddie continues to mutter into a sleepy Bella's fur about responsibility and this being big step given he had never had a pet before. But at the same time, he doesn't put her down, and she seems just as happy being held. Lilly seems ready to play, or devour Richie's hand but she's cute as hell so he'll accept that. He's ready to pay for them both but is told that they have to fill out two applications and wait until they are spayed and ready to go to their new home. It's disappointing but he thinks it might be good, since they literally have no dog supplies at home.

So they fill out the application and make an appointment for the next day to come and visit Bella and Lilly at the shelter. It will supposedly only take a couple days for them to know if they can take the girls home, but both he and Eddie are high on puppy kisses. He can tell that Eddie is holding his head higher and isn't so shy about his empty sleeve or the scar on his cheek which convinces the comedian that he made the right choice as he leads Eddie down the street to two more shops with an arm around his shoulders. Maybe to outsiders they look like a couple, laughing and smiling. Richie doesn't think that he would have been able to handle that if they were in LA, if everything with Pennywise hadn't occurred. But Eddie made him brave, and happier than he's ever been...even if he could never return his feelings.

Richie thinks he'll always love him but friendship is enough. Their life, though it may be platonic, will be enough.


	5. Chapter 5

"I saved my neighbor once, " Eddie says softly as he lays in bed, two puppies curled up on his bed. Rich is perched on the end of it, petting Lily and listening carefully. He had finally gotten Eddie to hire a lawyer, to fight back against the accusations. He didn't think he could be any more proud of him though watching him flush a whole bottom of unlabeled pills, the same ones that Richie had seen Mayra supplying him, was a close second.

"How?"

"When...back when I was using, " Eddie leans back, " Paperthin walls, shitty studio apartment on the bad side of town. I was sleeping on my dealer's couch...when I hear a woman screaming. There was this dancer who lived next door. I guess a guy followed her home so I ran out and he's got her pinned, this strange guy, in the vestibule, right infront of the double doors. And here I am, high as fuck, maybe 90lbs and wearing only a pair of old flannel pajama pants."

"Jesus Christ-"

"I run back into the apartment, start yelling at my on and off again boyfriend who doesn't give two shits about our neighbor, " Eddie rubs his face, with a tinge of shame though he's spurred on by Richie's prodding, " And like, I grab a metal bar that I see and, I don't know what the fuck was going on in my head. She's crying. He's cussing. I'm scared. And, like, and... I follow him out to the street-"

"Eddie, " Richie has is face in hands and he might be laughing even though it's not funny, like seriously messed up, " What the actual fuck were you doing?!"

"I was a damn junkie. I have no idea, " Eddie huffs, " Like I followed him and he went into a building and like, I tried to keep the door from shutting and it slammed on my arm- so I break the window in the door with the bar and end up getting cut by the glass-"

"And you say you're not brave."

Eddie startles at that and doesn't speak for a long time. Richie reaches out to continue petting the puppies as he notes the faraway look. It took alot of courage for Eddie to talk about this point in his life, and RIch can tell that he's trying to make light of it but addiction...addiction was heavy. It wasn't easily overcome and he was proud of him, though he doubted this was the right time to tell him so. Scooting a little closer, he placed a hand on his friend's knee and that seemed to bring him back to the present.

"I'm scared, " Eddie says, " I'm scared all the damn time."

" Bravery isn't never being scared, Eds. It's doing what needs to be done even though it's scary. You saved me down in the sewers. You saved your neighbor. You...you've endured so much shit but you're still here. You're clean and sober and the best damn risk analyst ever- " Rich let a sappy smile settle on his face, " You're the bravest person I know. You make me feel brave. And I'm so damn lucky that-"

He's choking up because he felt like he had been in such a whirlwind up until now. He hadn't thought when he was hauling Eddie's body up to the surface, begging any higher power that would listen to save his friend, that this is what his life would be. He never thought they would be living together in New York with two dogs and a shit ton of pine candles and a bunch or organic foods in his fridge and Eddie here with him, part of his life and the center of his world. His vision blurred and his bit his lip as he wiped at his eyes. He felt a hand on his shoulder as his friend tried to comfort to him. He was just so grateful because he didn't think he could do this, that he could have a life worth living if Eddie had died down there. 

"Y-you're gonna make it through this shit with Mayra." 

Eddie nods and then grips his hand, " I know. I couldn't do it without you."

"Yeah? Well, I don't think I would be alive right now without your defensive skills. " Richie grins despite the way his heartbeat picks up just remembering, " We should have just set you loose on IT with a metal bar."

"Damnit, I shouldn't have told you that story, " Eddie groans, " I was even on the news. Mayra came and was trying to convince me not to get too involved but I ended up testifying. And the guy went to jail and I went to...rehab. Six months. And what happened in the sewers...I don't even know. i wasn't the least bit high but when I saw you on the ground, with it coming for you. I didn't even think. I couldn't let you get hurt. I couldn't lose you again."

Richie grips his hand.

"You know...I never knew how lonely I was enough I met you guys again. I think part of me remembered you guys, knew what I was missing because I just felt like there was no body in my life who gave a flying fuck. I just...I moved to a brand new city and it was like Mike and everyone...you guys were out of reach. I remembered you guys, knew how to get in touch but it was like I was losing more and more memories everyday until all there was to remember was that my mom was gone, that I had grown up in a town in Maine...and that I didn't have anybody in the world. Did...did you ever feel that way?''

Richie swallowed thickly, " Yeah. I...when I left, I felt kinda jumbled. I knew where I grew up, know my parents still lived there but it was like there was a haze over everything. I felt restless and I bounced around Chicago, flew to LA on a whim, started doing whatever gig I could to make ends meet. I realized after the fact, after we reunited that I had heard of Bev and Bill but it didn't sink in. I never really got close to anyone, " he thinks of the numerous men he'd picked up that he now realized looked and sounded like Eddie, but he wasn't about to mention that, " I was lonely but it didn't fully compute."

"I'm happy now, or I think I'm happy, " Eddie whispers.

"Me too, " the comedian says, then, " Think we could adopt a cat next?"

\---

They throw out the accusations, especially when Eddie's attorney brings up that he had been in the hospital, that the documents regarding his assets were clear, and also that Mayra had chosen to divorce her husband after he had lost his arm and nearly bled to death. This is a game changer, showing the extent of Eddie's injuries and also Eddie's honest admittance that he had not wanted a divorce. Then, voicemails are played that even Rich hasn't heard from Mayra to Eddie, and text print outs are handed to the judge.

Next comes testimony from nurses, from close friends, and even the doctor back in Derry supported a very negative and abusive image of Mayra and Richie thought it was fitting. He hated her, and any gratitude and remorse he may have felt given that she had gotten Eddie clean and out of a pretty bad funk in college, died. But it took almost a year from the date of the accident, from the anniversary of IT being destroyed, for things to finally settled.

Ben and Bev were engaged.

Audra and Bill had reconciled, were expecting their first child already as Bill set to writing a children's book dedicated to his brother.

Mike had met a lovely woman and he had hinted that she might be moving into his apartment, the one he'd gotten right around Eddie's release from the hospital.

Patty called every once and a while, spoke to Bev or Mike and recently Ben. She was still heartbroken over Stan but she had been moved by Ben's latest architectural development; a bird sanctuary dedicated to their friend, aswell as scholarship that all of them had agreed to pay into at the college that both Patty and Stan had graduated from. They'd met in the life science department, afterall.

And for Richie...Richie was happy with how things were. 

He would have loved to love Eddie in the way he dreamed about, would have loved to propose and wear rings but he supposed it really wasn't their style. He was happy with snuggling platonic-ally on the couch as they (embarrassingly) watched Richie's shows at Eddie's request. He was happy bitching about the quinoa and kale in the fridge, then eating everything on his plate because Eddie somehow made both taste good. He loved spoiling Eddie and Lily and Bella with gifts, receiving hugs and puppy kisses and gifts in return. He was ecstatic every time Eddie was in the audience at one of his shows, and he hugged back just as tight when his friend congratulated him backstage. He couldn't do without the gentle way Eddie roused him from his nightmares, and he still didn't know how Eddie always made a perfect cup of coffee for him. It all seemed so minor but it meant so much to him, just seemed to add to the agony that was his unrequited feelings.

He'd even had the guts to hint at his sexuality during his stand up, had confirmed it with the losers and been relieved when no one (thankfully not Eddie who had hugged him, joked about gaydar) batted an eye. He wasn't in the closet anymore and it was scary but also so much better, even if he didn't think he'd be dating anytime soon. 

Worse (or maybe for better), the comedian was starting to see more of Eddie's spunk coming back, and he loved that, the playful bickering. It came as scowls and sarcastic comments about the trash not being taken out or him making fun of Richie's bedhead. It escalated to the too of them teasing each other, grab assing and wrestling, Eddie crying foul because Richie could pin him easier. To put it simply, he loved Eddie more than anything else in the world and whatever he could have, he would take. He could accept lifelong friendship. He wouldn't look for someone else, and always brushed off questions about getting a boyfriend, didn't even think about admitting his feelings anyway. Rich loved his life, could ignore the way he longed for Eddie to live him because he couldn't impose his feelings like that, especially after the divorce and especially with their comfortable friendship...until one day he felt a hand entwine with his face felt a mumble into his neck, " So, should we just get married already?"

Bill's daughter had been born and she was adorable. Ben and Bev were crazy in love, had gone to Cabo for their honeymoon. Mike had asked his girlfriend to move in and they were going strong, and Lily and Bella were finally past the destructive puppy phase (mostly). The divorce was final. Eddie could do most everything with only one arm, and adjusted quickly to the stares aslong as Richie was there with him...but Richie had been confident that what they had was enough. And yet his heart ached at the joke, because he wished; instead of admitting it though, he forced a smile.

"Wow, what a proposal. Way to make a girl blush."

Eddie pinched his side, " I mean... We live together. We do our laundry together. We take care of each other. You always have your arm around me-"

Richie became aware of his arm wrapped around Eddie's shoulders but he didn't move, " Wait, are you being serious right now?"

His small friend sits up, his face red, " Fuck, I-I shouldn't have brought this up. I just thought, maybe I'd-"

"Propose randomly?"

Eddie looks away but then he's scowling and there it is, the spunk that Richie cherishes, " Is it that fucked up of a concept? You constantly introduce me as the love of your life, your live in boytoy, your husband from a past life, and then what did you call me at your last show, your short soul mate?'

"My height-challenged other half."

"Well, I guess I thought that maybe you meant it, " Eddie was shaking a little or maybe it was Richie who was fighting down a serious case of nausea, " I don't want to lose you as a friend and I guess I've made things really awkward for us now. I really care about you, Rich. You're my best friend and I guess I'd just like to try to be...more. But I understand if you don't feel the same why or if I've read too much into things. You've been so supportive and I just-"

"I love you, Eds, " Richie says and it rushes out of him, the truth that is, like a waterfall or maybe more like a gyser, "Like, are you crazy? Cause I kinda am. I'm IN love with you. I've been head over heels for you since like 3rd grade. Of course I've thought about marrying you. I used to write Richie <3 Eds on my notebooks and shit. Hell, I carved our initials on the kissing bridge-"

Now that he's started, he can't stop despite Eddie's wide eyes, "You what-"

"I snuck into your damn bedroom like once a week in middle school, and shared your bed, plus I drove you to school in highschool until I left. The first thing I remembered after Mike called was you. When you saved me...I didn't know what to do. I carried you out of the sewers, carried you into the hospital, and then threw up all over the waiting room. I cried every night, like ugly cried, until you woke from your damn coma, visited you every day despite your crazy wife. I moved from LA to NY so we could be around each other because I'm an idiot. I asked you to fucking live with me and I even let you put ugly decorative towels in my bathroom!"

Eddie is speechless though he reaches out slowly to wipe at Richie's tears, and he must look pretty crazy with his fast talk and his almost hysterical laughter despite the tears trickling down his cheeks. He's so scared and nauseous but it's too late; it's a tidal wave that he can't stop.

"Hell, we have two dog children together! Eddie, seriously. I...I can't live without you. I've been telling myself for almost a year that I can accept friendship, that I'll take any way that I can have you. Best friend, husband, fuck, your loyal servant-"

"Servant, huh? " and Eddie kisses him.

And in that moment, his hands coiled in his best friend's, no, love sof his life's hair, Richie knows he can't go back, that friendship will never be enough and lucky for him, it doesn't have to be. 

END


End file.
